One thing I’ve learned throughout my years on Earth is that I am what I absorb.
…If I am listening to sad music a lot, chances are I will find myself becoming sadder than normal in the very near future.
…If I think I’m going to have a bad day, I typically have a not-so-great day.
…If I watch the Rocky movies I – V over and over, chances are I might find myself getting ready for a shot at the world tittle (Litchfield vs Mayweather) coming soon!
And if I read obsessively about developing good habits and breaking bad habits, I will probably begin doing just that.
In my efforts to try to become the best possible me for the past two years, a little mission that has brought me exponential payoffs in every area of my life, I’ve been studying the art of building good habits, and I think it has revolutionized my career and my level of personal achievement significantly.
When it comes to studying the true pioneers of thought in this field, I love the work of Tony Robbins, Tim Ferris, Charles Duhigg, Wayne Dyer, and I have also been reading a lot by Isaiah Hankel, whose work on developing success-yielding habits is compelling.
So today I’ve decided to kind of coalesce and summarize everything I’ve learned from these greats and to add in my personal thoughts and experiences on building a life full of good habits so I can help you, my readers, to become more successful in all you do.
First, let’s talk about the bad habits. We’ve got to literally sweep these out of the way before we can build a life full of good habits—or the negativity and negative self-image we have from perpetuating these habits will spill into all we do.
I love a quote from Wayne Dyer on this:
When it’s unhealthy, it’s wrong, and on some level, you feel that. When you live your life going through the motions, it may seem to be convenient, but the weight of your dissatisfaction creates a huge imbalance in the only life you have now.
You’re perplexed by the ever-present gnawing feeling of dissatisfaction that you can’t seem to shake, that pit-of-the-stomach sensation of emptiness. It shows up when you’re sound asleep and your dreams are filled with reminders of what you’d love to be, but you wake and return to pursuing your safe routine.
—from How to Create a Balance Between Dreams and Habits.
In other words, when we are living wrong, doing things we know are even slightly harmful to our lives, our success, or our spirits—from say, not using proper form when working out, to abandoning our commitment to eat right for the day, we create a sense of imbalance between our dreams of accomplishment and the reality of our failures. Then these failures, ones easily avoided by sticking to our guns and not being crushed by temptation, these negative feelings of self-disappointment permeate every area of our walking and dreaming life, even.
Dyer’s work has had a great influence on me and has helped me to understand how one seemingly minor “giving up” of my goals for the day can resonate throughout my entire life, affecting my work, relationships, and entire month if I allow them to.
Bad habits can run unheeded through our lives destroying everything in their wake and although there are degrees of seriousness to bad habits, for example, a nightly habit of an ice cream treat pales in comparison to a nightly gambling addiction—the mental and spiritual run off of that guilt for abandoning our dreams of what we really want or ourselves tends to be the same—a feeling of disappointment and failure that spills over into everything we do.
That was a monumental lesson for me and it helps me to think twice before I give up ONE single good habit I have worked so hard to develop. And I’ve developed a whole cachet of good habits from studying these experts on habits.
First, let’s talk about some great techniques I’ve learned from THE MASTER, Tony Robbins.
Most of the heavy hitters like Robbins and Duhigg use a 3 point plan to build new habits.
With Tony Robbins—those three steps are called “pillars” – the Three Pillars of Progress. His are
Step one, Robbins explains is all about really focusing on the habit you want to accomplish. This step is about clarifying your goals in positive, actionable language. As Robbins notes,
So get clear about what you really want. Why do you want it? . . .
Let’s take the example of losing weight. Instead of saying “I want to lose weight,” get specific. How much? Why? What will you be able to do when you get to the weight you want? With a weak description, you might say something like, “I need to lose some weight. Why am I not losing weight?” If you keep focus on the fact that you’re not losing weight, you won’t. Sure, you’ll likely lose some weight just by chance, perhaps a pound or two back and forth.
Instead, what if you said something like “I am sick and tired of wearing my baggiest jeans. I’m tired of making excuses to myself. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like I’m 25 years old again. I want to feel strong. I want to feel fit. I want to feel pure energy and vitality. By losing 7 pounds, I know I will feel that way, because I’ve felt it before.” Here we’ve got a vision that’s clear, specific, and compelling. It’s exciting. With that kind of clarity you’ll find the ways to create better habits and make what you want happen
Step 2: Go get the best tools for the job
Robbins explains that for great study you usually had great teachers. Why not hire the best coach, the best trainers, the best educator you can for this goal? Get some help, learn from the masters, and use their wisdom to change your life.
I used this advice and studied with Charles Poloquin, for example, who taught me everything about body composition I needed to know to help my clients transform their bodies today into the dream machines they only thought they could have.
Step 3: Action and Unleash Alignment
This step is about finding out what’s really blocking you from achievement so you can sweep that block out of the way and realize your dreams.
I love Robbins on this step. He addresses in this step those “stories” we began telling ourselves so long ago that we’ve come to believe them, and how, typically, these have become the real stumbling blocks to our success. For example, “I have babies now I don’t have time to work out.” If you’re telling yourself that story, why not make having kids THE WAY to get more exercise? Get a double stroller and take the kids with you on a jog. How powerful a lesson will that be for you AND them?
I’ve used Robbins advice on this to help so many of my clients overcome the stories they’re telling themselves that are defeating them. Common ones are “I cannot lift weights I immediately gain so much weight,” or “I just have a slow metabolism.”
How about unpacking these “myths” of self-defeat and changing them up.
“I might have a sluggish metabolism, so I’m going to increase it with cardio and metabolic conditioning.” Or “I might gain weight initially as I put on some fat burning muscle—so I’m going to stop stepping on that scale until I start melting fat off the body. Then the scale becomes the reward.
Try the “Habit Loop” Approach
Duhigg uses a simple, three-step process to integrating new healthy habits into one’s life. He calls it The Habit Loop, and it works like this:
So step one: Study your triggers—they might be what time of day it is that initiates the habit or how you’re feeling. If you’re trying to break a bad habit – look at what’s triggering it and examine that closely—are you feeling lonely? Then network? Are you really just hungry when you want a cigarette? Then eat a salad with vinegar or something good for you and practically calorie free.
Second—focus on developing a routine. Routines become habits quite quickly. If you want to make a new habit of flossing, pick a routine and a time of day to associate this with. For example: Get up, brush teeth for 30 seconds a section with electric toothbrush, then floss for 5 minutes. Now get paper, drink coffee, and go work out.
Third: rewards. Now, you have to find a reward that’s healthy, right? You cannot go eat caramel candy every time you floss your teeth or what good is it, right? However, if you love shopping for, say, high quality ties, 1200 count sheets, or clothes, perhaps give yourself a treat of online shopping for a half an hour without guilt.
Most of what we do is habitual.
Isaiah Hankel points to research Wendy Woods on this, whose studies have proven that more than 45% of the actions we perform every day are habitual. From brushing our teeth, to showering in the morning versus night, to using two feet to drive instead of one—or dangerously, talking on the phone while driving (dangerous!!)—these are habits.
But just as we created these habits—we can just as easily develop new habits—ones that can help us get super-fit, super strong, super tidy, super successful . . .
You cannot really get rid of a bad habit, but . . .
Now this is important. Most of these greats from Robbins to Duhigg will tell you that we don’t actually stop bad habits, we just replace them with new ones. So instead of fixing up your java first thing in the morning (instead of something more positive), you can develop a new one of flossing when brushing every morning (a positive habits).
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks or We are not so set in our ways
One surprising thing you’ll learn from these greats is that habits are not set at any one age. We can develop new and healthy habits at ANY age. It’s no harder then, to quit smoking at 50 than 18. Or to start working out at 70 rather than 17.
It doesn’t take long to build powerfully life altering good habits
It might surprise you to learn that it only takes 21 days for an amputee to adapt to living without a lost limb. That’s just exactly three weeks right? If someone who has lost their right leg can learn to live without one in that short of a time, surely you can start working out 20 minutes a day, right? Doesn’t that put things into perspective more?
Bad habits: Breaking them takes less time to do than you might think . . .
Scientists used to think it took weeks to break bad habits. But groundbreaking and refreshing new research is proving that it takes much less time—only two days to break a bad habit. All you have to do is practice the art of replacing bad habits with something new.
Other studies have evidenced that it takes 66 days to get completely used to a new habit. According to a 2009 study, researchers from University College London examined the new habits of 96 people over the space of 12 weeks, but their individual times varied as much as only 18 days to 254 days. In other words, it is entirely dependent upon you—how much you are willing to make the change, I believe.
So, I want to break a bad habit, how do I do it?
Isaiah Hankel gives some wonderful tips about this and the whole key in his approach is in making yourself really feel bad about your bad habits, initially, in order to feel really good about changing them later.
Hankel says, “Shame is a ferocious motivator. Creating leverage with shame is a very successful psychological technique that is promoted in numerous professional and personal development books and seminars . . . The next time you give into a bad habit, no matter what it is, take 10minutes to sit down and focus on the shame you feel. If you don’t feel any shame, make yourself feel ashamed.
Next—take a stand. Then meet your pain with an “absolute resolution to never feel this way again.”
Next, replace your routines. Charles Duhigg is fantastic at the art of using habits to replace old, negative ones. For example, if you’re a nail biter, or a picker, find something to do with your hands. By some bubble wrap and pop bubbles, get some feely materials with rhinestones and studs on it, maybe, and run your nails over these—find some competing sensation that satisfies that urge.
So, I hope that I’ve helped you to access some of the kind of thinking that have helped me achieve the body that I wanted, the life that I wanted, and the success that I’ve wanted.
If you’d like to work one on one with me to develop better habits and change your body and your life, you know where to find me!
Sources
Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny.
…… Unlimited Power: The New Science of Personal Achievement
Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit
Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts
……. The Power of Intention
Isaiah Hankel, Black Hole Focus
…… (coming in Jan, 2018), The Science of Intelligent Achievement